I got today your "Rules of Golf"
At least the ones you play.
You're going to need them brother, Dick,
To beat me any day.

Golf is for us ath-e-letes
And not you mental midgets.
(Oh, by the way, my handicap
Is in the single digits.)

I hope to see you soon for golf
My wallet's getting thin.
It does an aging banker good
To do a brother in. 

To a friend who had a hole-in-one:

We heard you had a hole-in-one
It must have been a scene.
We heard it hit a  palm tree first
Then off your husband's bean.

Nonetheless, we're happy that
The ball went in the hole,
'Cause heavens knows you can not putt
To save your golfing soul.

To a friend after I had a hole-in-one (down a hill), two weeks after he had one (up a hill) with a lower iron.

Attached you'll find the proof that I'm
Not like you, a wimp.
My 6 iron went so long and high
It nipped the Goodyear blimp.

I needed not excuses like
The kind you're giving still.
But don't check out this par 3 hole.
Your brakes may fail the hill.

To my golfing partner:

You've been my partner now for years.
I'm known to you as "Looper."
And though at times your golf's been great,
Sometimes it ain't super.

I've seen you drive 300 yards.
Then chunk a wedge from 30.
I've seen you hit a three iron stiff.
Then miss an 8-inch birdie.

I've seen you reach 18 in two
Like someone playing scratch.
Then double hit from off the green
To lose our press and match.

These things I've seen, but nonetheless
You're still my partner, friend.
Cause goodness knows The Looper ain't
Been holding up his end.