The Kiely Myths

Heather, I come to you now
With a face that is not a bit smiley.
I am serious as hell,
Since I’m here to dispel
The myths of your new family, Kiely.

First there is Peter, the father
With that fake Irish past in his bio.
The truth is the dork
Is from Limerick, New York
And his parents from Dublin, Ohio.

Then there is Margaret, who claims
She was first in her class in her day.
That’s deceit at its worst
‘Cause the way she was first
Was that “Anderson” starts with an “A.”

Patrick and Megan aren’t offspring.
Both were adopted at birth.
They cried at their fate,
That is, ‘til the date
They found out their parents’ net worth.

Megan is called prim and proper.
That’s a myth I can’t stand anymore.
Cause she’s deep in romance
With both Eaton and Vance
Chasing money like her father before.

I won’t expose myths about Patrick
Or mention each queerness or quirk.
His mom wants them buried
Until he gets married.
Then she’ll be free of the jerk.

Uncle Dick played football at Syracuse
His exploits he's often revealed.
Well, excuse me my French
But the damn frickin’ bench
Was as close as he got to the field.

Aunt Karen is known as an expert
At crosswords, and that is absurd.
The truth, be it known
She gets on the phone
To call me when she’s stuck on a word.

The rest of the clan here are normal
People with flaws very minor.
From friends of the groom
To Aunt Gail’s bo-soom
You just couldn’t find any finer.